As a facilitator with the Google movement "I am Remarkable", Progression's founder Amber Gladstone is often talking about confidence with large groups of people. These 90 minute workshops help people to build skills in sharing their achievements - a particularly challenging thing to do in Australia, with our "tall poppy syndrome". Yet it's an essential skill if you want people to understand what you are capable of, for example when you apply for a new job or want to be considered for a promotion.
Occasionally, people will use "confidence" and "self-esteem" interchangeably. But these are actually 2 very different things.
The University of Queensland defines them well below. It can be helpful to compare these visually, so we've added simple diagrams.
"Self-confidence is your belief in yourself and your abilities. This can change depending on the situation. It's normal to feel quite confident in some circumstances and less confident in others."
Confidence over time
"Self-esteem refers to whether you appreciate and value yourself. Your self-esteem develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people."
Self esteem over time
So your confidence is more likely to fluctuate, depending on the situation and circumstances. You might be very confident at work, in a familiar situation, and much less confident when you're trying to learn a new skill, or navigate an unfamiliar city in a different language.
Are confidence and self-esteem linked?
Not necessarily. Someone with high self-esteem will be less rattled by experiences that impact their confidence, as their perception of themselves, their self-worth, is not intrinsically linked to their abilities. This makes it easier to take risks, to handle rejection and failure, as it is part of the process and a natural part of any active or creative life.
But if you have low self-esteem, you may find it harder to disconnect individual experiences from how you perceive yourself. You might have experienced this if you've ever berated yourself for making a mistake - "Of course I screwed that up, what an idiot". The assumption ("Of course") and labelling yourself as "an idiot" for a single situation is unhelpful and risks creating a negative story around any mistake or failure, which is an essential part of learning and building skills.
Building your confidence
Here are a few simple ways to build your confidence:
Practice taking small risks and getting more comfortable with unexpected outcomes: the occasional mistake, failure, and occasional wins.
When you surprise yourself, take a moment to celebrate what you've achieved. Share it with someone - it's a great way to enjoy the moment, connect with others and practice the skill of celebrating your accomplishments.
Try to avoid downplaying the things you're good at. While humility is healthy, that doesn't mean you can't be good at something and enjoy sharing the wins.
Consider workshops like I am Remarkable (find a workshop) and groups like Toastmasters to build skills in confident communication.
Progression's founder, Amber Gladstone, holds free online "I am Remarkable" workshops every few months. Or you can book a free intro call to potentially book one for your organisation.
Confidence can be linked across different areas, especially if you remind yourself what it took to build a skill in one area: typically practice, guidance, time and persistence.
Building your self-esteem
A big part of building your self-esteem is becoming more aware of how you think of yourself. Do you tend to view yourself negatively? Are you harder on yourself than anyone else? Do you notice when you do something well?
Many people struggle with low self-esteem - and there are many ways to build it. It can be part of other health challenges, related to major life events or challenge of its own. Some things to consider:
Connecting with others over a hobby, or volunteering, is a great way to build your skills and your social network
Speaking to your GP (for a referral) or psychologist, especially if you are also experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety
Working with a coach on the stories you tell yourself
Calling Beyond Blue or a helpline for support
Being mindful about who you spend time with and how their behaviour impacts you.
Curious to know more?
You can book a free 20 minute call below.
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